DORIS... What is it about getting married?


Hello everyone this post promises to be fun, exciting and then again, it might touch your heart as you would attest that you can relate with it.

Okay, i was just on my own last week when i got a mail from a lady who asked that her identity be withheld, so i will just call her Doris.

Doris is about the age of 28 and and she is really tired of the pressure she is getting from the people around her... So the mail goes thus;

Dear Ebijanded,
 "I must really commend you for your nice and inspiring articles as i always look forward to a post from you weekly. Please do keep it up!
   My heart is really breaking and i thought it wise to share my pains with you and i know my story and your positive reply would help me feel better and help others too who may be going through similar pain.
Please what is it about getting married? My parents and friends would not let me be. There is no day i don't hear a concern or advice about marriage from family and friends and trust me when i say it's no longer funny.
I've not had luck in my quest to get a stable relationship leading to marriage as they just develop cold feet and run away. I have tried and it's not working... Is it possible that there is something wrong with me or i'm not just lucky with men?"


Okay guys, when i got this mail, i smiled because i understood her plight. There is this age you get to that everyone starts to sing the song of marriage to you and make you feel like there is something wrong with you or you probably want to flex more. Trust me, it's a crazy moment as you would just feel like jumping into the arms of the next man who approaches you with the message of love. Before i proceed. i would like to state here that some ladies get married for love and some just gets married and works love out somehow; However, we all settle for what we define as love and i see nothing absolutely wrong in that.

I'm really sorry if this post makes you feel really bad but i have to hit the nail on the head and say it as it is. I will be talking about three categories of people and how they make singles feel and why they should really snap out of it and let every lady find and settle for true happiness. Family, Friends and Herself.


FAMILY

This set of people are the people you spend most of your time with and they can be very annoying with their words when it comes to marriage talks... you hear words like"When do you plan on leaving this house so we can be eating your share of the meals and probably take your space" or you hear them making jest of you always and finding a way to bring in the marriage talk. I tell you it is really annoying and heartbreaking for the lady who is trying so hard to find the right person.

Hey Famz, can i plead that you let these single ladies be and stop pressurizing them consciously and unconsciously. If you care so much about them, why not pray for them rather than make them feel less of themselves. And even when they eventually find someone who they are comfortable with, you become soothsayers and give 1000 reasons why it should not be the man in question and you expect them to be happy right? It's not really easy for them you know... you are supposed to encourage her and pray for her. They forget so fast how difficult it was for most of them to settle down and now they can talk and give advice about marriage and relationship..smh.
Please, enough of how you make her feel just because you love her and care for her. A little patience is needed because as a matter of fact everyone has a date on the calendar.

FRIENDS

You see this set of people, they can make you feel like there is actually something wrong with you. Sometimes they even do it intentionally. You are married and so? You are dating a rich guy and so? You are engaged and so? Can you allow the sister who seems to be finding it hard to get the right person breath? Stop telling her love stories about how your relationship is 1000 ways without struggles.
 I remember then when i was still single and searching for real love, i almost felt like giving up on love because it appeared that everyone was finding answers and i was just alone and i must confess it was really a tough moment for me. I think my kind of personality helped me as i stayed stronger believing that one day, love would stop by and say hello for real and off course it did.
That is one of the reasons why i believe that we all have our due dates on the calendar and nothing can stop it when real love calls. I had some friends i hated to chat up then because they would just make me feel worse than i was before chatting them up as the conversations would be about them and how the love thing works for them. Please, if your marriage or relationship is working out well, pray the love continues. If your marriage is heaven on earth, that is absolutely nice; but making your friends feel bad is not cool at all.
Some friends will go as far as judging you and calling you names behind your back simply because you are trying and it's not working. Some time last year, a friend of mine told me about how her friends gossiped about her and the relationship she was trying to nurture... Friends, please i beg of us to mind our businesses and pray more for our friends who are really finding it hard to get a serious date or get married. That you got married or got a more serious date does not make her less and it does not mean she would not enjoy her love story someday. It's  just that for some people, it comes really late. This post is just to ensure that we all make our relationships work and not make others feel bad for struggling so hard but still seem to be getting it all wrong. Once again Friends, stop the pressure and treat your relationships and marriage as solely yours to nurture and enjoy. And to those ladies who allow friends make them feel less, i advise you to be strong and wait for the call of true love.


HERSELF

This is a battle every lady fights within. It is normal for you to get worried about settling down at some point in your life, but which is better... settling and enduring or settling  and enjoying?
The most important thing is to marry right so it is never about the time you expect but the time orchestrated by God and to whom you align with. Do not loose the battle within as you may just get married and pretend to be fine. So many of the marriages you see today are just awesome on the surface but deep down, they are not truly happy, do you want to join the pretense train? I really do not think so. So it's expedient that you wait till it's your turn and time.
Last week after i got the mail from Doris(Name withheld), a lady called me and was really down. I felt bad listening to her cry over the phone because i totally understood the feeling. I've been there a million times. That moment you feel alone, you need to feel loved, you need to speak with someone who truly cares about you but they are no where to be found, trust me it's heart breaking, but the truth is love will definitely find you dear; not just any kind but a merited one that will make you forget the long wait. There is no need to sulk and feel bad dear. Just stay true to yourself, love yourself and wait till love finds you. There is so much about marriage that you must know and you don't even learn enough because you keep learning everyday, so this is the best time to ask yourself this sincere question, What exactly do i know about marriage and how willing am i towards this marriage thing? Because the thing is not to get married but to stay married.

Stay away from friends who make you feel less because you don't seem to be getting it right now. Avoid wrong advises from people that you know do not align with your beliefs and perceptions about the concept of marriage. How can you keep people around you who make you feel like marriage is just fun fun without it's ups and downs because i know there are... why keep close ties with friends who think that all men are cheats...? Don't you know that, that singular information you digested into your heart can ruin your lifetime happiness? We really have to be careful about the people we call friends as they sometimes make us feel worse or better.
Some friends of yours are married but not happy and you envy them without knowing. Some of them are in toxic relationships with the Tall Dark and Handsome(TDH) kind of guy and you wish it was you dating them? If only you knew what people are going through in their relationships and marriage, you would not wish to have their kind of life. Enough of the wishful thinking and pray that genuine love finds you and that marriage for you will not be a mirage.


Wow! so much already over this topic but i do hope it helped someone out.

  • Define your own happiness.
  •  Wait for your turn and time
  • Choose your friends wisely; by this i mean do not for any reason allow any friends to push you wrongly or make you feel less.
  • Be proud of your relationship or marriage and never compare and contrast.
  •   Love yourself while you wait for the knock of true love and a happy marriage on the door of your heart.
I know it has not been easy with you but please wait for your time and do not be pressured. It makes sense more when it's your time. You have a date on the calendar and i think you are almost there. This phase will pass and you will tell others how you overcame this time of your life.

I know you can relate with this post, so feel free to tell me how you conquered this phase of your life or how hard it is for you at this point in your life, trust me when i say you feel better after talking to Ebijanded...hehehehe... try it out and thank me later. 

Till i come your way again, do not forget to subscribe and tell others about this amazing blog. Remember the world is waiting to reckon with your uniqueness, stay Janded!

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3 Comments

Etietshola Princess Belynda said…
Having read through,i feel very elated about this..adding to this,i would also say ladies should learn how to stand for one another(in and out of seasons) ,instead of crucifying ourselves..the truth is dis, it pays to be supportive and nice-let us learn how to show love to another..thanks ebijanded for this amazing episode,this blog is always the real deal ����������...
BAMS PMAN said…
God bless the WRITER!