Sunday, December 23, 2018

YOUR BOYFRIEND;NOT YOUR HUSBAND BY ETIETSHOLA PRINCESS

YOUR BOYFRIEND;NOT YOUR HUSBAND BY ETIETSHOLA PRINCESS

 This table you're shaking dear, i no dey o. This is coming from a committed follower of my blog. Do read till the last full stop.

I am that kind of lady that likes to keep up with my close buddies always..i always want to know they are doing great and fine,and probably get to chip in gist and advises to the best of my knowledge when needed..,I was filled with so much excitement that I decided to call a friend,kimberly to share some gist with her though I call her Kim for short. As kimberly picked up the phone and we started talking, I noticed that her responses were curt and her tone flat. I had to end the gist and ask her what was wrong. She surprisingly broke into tears and started to narrate the story of how her boyfriend had embarrassed her earlier in the day, in front of their friend.

According to kim, she had gone over to his place early in the morning to drop off the packs of food she had made for him to put in his freezer. Although she had called him before setting out and still called his phone when she got to his apartment, he had left her standing at the entrance knocking for almost 10 minutes before opening the door. It wasn’t all. After she put the bowls of food in the freezer, she headed to his room to give him a kiss before leaving as any loving girlfriend would do. On getting to his room, however, one of his friends (also a friend of hers) who had spent the weekend with him and was in the room with him, mentioned to the boyfriend that he needed to give kim a key to the apartment. Before she could say a word in protest, her boyfriend of 3 solid years had already replied : “For what now? When she is not my wife?”
Of course, I couldn’t do much but just listen and sympathize with her. She had not asked for my advice and actually, I could see that she was finally at the place where she could see that her boyfriend was not in love with her. He was only stringing her along until the marriage benefits she was giving him runs out… or until he finds the benefits elsewhere.
Kim met him at the point in her life when she was going through the “i-want-to-get-married” phase and was a little desperate. In the bid to show him that she's wife material and could secure him for marriage, she started to give him the benefits of marriage: round-the-clock sex, home-cooked meals, cleaning his house, etc. Of course, we (Kim and I) had had fights over it all; I constantly told her that playing wife was not only inappropriate, it would take away the incentive for him to take the next step and marry her, but she wouldn’t listen.
Think about it, why marry the woman when you can get the wife for free?
In my opinion, there is a very big difference between a boyfriend and a husband – many of which circle around devotion, commitment, and understanding. The two are not interchangeable at all. If they were the same, what would be there to look forward to in marriage?

Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with loving your boyfriend and giving him a measure of devoutness. Actually, the caring-for-him part is what makes the relationship fun for the woman as caregiving comes naturally to her. The problem comes when you give him all the benefits of having a wife with none of the commitment coming from him.

In fact, the root of some many problems in dating stem from the fact that most girls go above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend. Doing for your boyfriends, what a wife does for her husband, is not okay. If a man wants all of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it. Until there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat him as though he is your husband.

Treating a man as though he is already a husband, with the intent of getting him to marry you, often backfires. Usually, he instead takes you for granted or walks all over you. Like…even if you go to his mother and learn how to make their village meals or you decide to not just indulge all his sexual desires but also hang your ovaries on his wall so he will know you can do anything for him, you will be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly he can leave the relationship without batting an eye. Slow down, leave a little mystery, close your legs and set physical boundaries, have your own life, go after your dreams! Do not behave as though you cannot exist without a man. Let the courtship happen naturally, and you will be alright.

Biko, I am not setting rules for anyone on how involved they can be at each stage of their relationship because I know relationships and personality differs….you may need to use your intuition on that one. Key thing to remember though: Do not force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he does not want to play husband, you definitely should not play wife. And if I might add…no double standards either. Lower your expectations.
Do not expect him to take up husband duties before marriage; taking care of you physically, emotionally and most of all, financially, just as though he were your husband. You have your father, brother and uncles for those. The expectation of wanting a man to prove himself worthy of becoming a husband will even keep you from getting to know him for who he really is, as you only get to see what he can do for you, without enjoying his essence. Again, if he starts to feel like you depend on him for everything, he may start to take you for granted as well.
For me,i feel It works both ways really…or what do you think?

Have you ever fallen into the temptation of playing wife in order to get the ring? How did it turn out? Please, let’s talk about it all in the comment section.
Her name is Etietshola Princess Toritseju ,She hails from  Delta State and was born June 17th.She  obtained her first  degree  at Madonna University ,from the  department  of political science. She's a creative thinker and a growing entrepreneur. 

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

2019 Before 2019

2019 Before 2019

Choose Your Battles Wisely

This is not my last blog post for the year but i thought it wise to drop this piece before the year ends. We live in a time where battles are inevitable. We must be wise as to choosing the battles we fight. You cannot pay attention to every dog that barks just because it is very loud. Sometimes, all you need to do is pretend you did not  hear the dog bark.

If you live your life paying attention to every passer by or listening to every word that drops, you will end up hurting yourself. Sometimes, act like you did not see the passer by or simply ignore the word. You just have to choose your battles wisely, that's all i'm trying to say.

IGNORE

Personally, i used to have a problem ignoring people or their actions towards me, but i must tell you the truth today, i am an advocate of that now. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. Ignoring them does not mean you dislike them or you're not man enough to face the situation; it only means you just cannot afford to stoop so low or get into unnecessary dramas with anyone. 

If no one has ever spoken a word about you that hurt you badly, then this article is not for you, but i'm not sure there is anyone who has not been hurt or betrayed by someone. You probably may have reacted with words or actions then, but i must tell you today, ignoring them is far better.

You cannot afford to get into the year 2019 with same people, dramas and battles. You need to be a better person in 2019. If you must fight any battle, make sure it's worth it. Some battles are meant to take your peace away and you need that peace my darling. Therefore, choose your battles wisely.

Love Your Pace

There is actually no need to put yourself under unnecessary pressure. Don't go worrying about how fast others are moving and it looks like you are on a stand still, you will hurt yourself. Learn to love your pace and look  less unto others because I've come to realize that everyone progresses differently in life. Your pace is far different from others so do 2019 with this consciousness. 

Be With God More.

Trust me when i say you need God more than ever before. Nothing works without God. He  knows you better than yourself and He can never leave you nor forsake you. In the year 2019, love God some more and be with Him through it all.

Smile

Well, if you know me well, you will know how much i cherish smiling. Smiling makes you look younger and better. Don't do 2019 with a sad and heavy look o, try as much as possible to smile at least. Come to think of it, if you stay angry, the situation cannot change, so why not try and give a smile instead.Trust me when i say the year may not be all that nice,i mean it'll definitely come with it's challenges but Smile through it all. 

Trust Your Instincts

Trusting your instincts is one thing you should never fail to do all through the year 2019. 

Render Help

Help those who cannot repay you. Do it and make life better for them. There are rewards when you help the helpless. In the year 2019, don't shut your eyes to the needs of those who need it.

There is so much i would like to say, but i need to stop here for now. We are just few days away to saying goodbye to the year 2018, personally i cannot wait as i know the year 2019 is my year of triumphing graciously... I wish you a better year in 2019.

 I hope this article helped you in a way, please, a lovely comment would be nice. Just say something and let me know you were here. I sincerely thank you for visiting the blog and i plea that you tell others about the blog as well. Thank you, thank you, thank you. See you in a bit.

Monday, November 26, 2018

MY DAUGHTER BY MALCOM RUE

MY DAUGHTER BY MALCOM RUE

My daughter,
Its hurtful you think i don't get it...
These battles I'm fighting

Someday you will understand.
I'm trying to save you from
Wrong choices and teenage fantasies
From boys that pack their lies round your heart
Sweet mouthed low ambitioned males
That tip toe around your emotions
With no boldness of responsibility of what they want
But leave you messy like dirty foot on a wet floor
I'm trying to shield you from mistakes that broke me
I'm trying to teach you to be aware
I'm trying to teach you to be brave
Teaching you to ask questions
For assumption is a blind race
A cheap way to give away power to wolves in sheep's clothing
The world ain't as beautiful as butterflies
But filled with people wearing their faces backward
And a heart that doesn't synchronize with words from their mouth
But the right heart isn't perfect but comes with potential
Potential to understand you
Potential to be patient with you
To give the world and more to you
And a huge willingness to work with you through your flaws and fears
And bring out the best in you


Meet our article provider,
His name is Malcolm Rue
Ig: @rueperfect 
Fb: Reubenkingsley 
Writer/poet

I cherish this article simply because it's coming from a guy... I hope every Girl/lady realizes how amazing they are after reading this article and also thread carefully as they go through life.
 We appreciate your works dear, keep touching lives with your write ups. You can also send your articles/experiences to talk2ebijanded@gmail.com because i believe your story can inspire someone. What do you think about this piece? Please, drop your comments below.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Yaba Connect. Episode 4

Yaba Connect. Episode 4


"Danielle, I want you to find a place in your heart to forgive me for keeping this away from you for so long"
I looked at him as he spoke and asked him to speak already.
"Truth is, I have someone"
SOMEONE? I don't get. What exactly do you mean, please tell me everything.
" Okay, I have been seeing this lady for a while now, I mean before i met you. It's not been easy keeping the relationship as she is in the UK. We've been dating for a while now. We were dating before she left for UK and both our parents are aware of our intentions"

I could not just deal with the information as I just had to cut him. You're a wicked person Lanre. How come you never mentioned it to me. I mean you can kill someone. I was already in tears as it hurt more that that of Steve because I did not see this coming at all. He kept apologizing and telling me how difficult it was for him to say it. Spare me the tales please.

 You know what, i need to leave now as your sight is irritating me right now. He did not allow me leave at all as he kept pleading that he did not want me to leave in that manner. I stayed back a little to put myself together and then he saw me off to my place but all through the walk, I did not say a word as he kept apologizing  for the pain he caused me. I was deeply hurt but deep down in my heart  I knew it would be difficult to live without him as I was already so fond of him.

You can call it CRUSH but it felt so real, I just wanted it to work somehow. Finally, we were at my gate and I just bade him goodbye and hurriedly went inside as I did not want to see his face at all. That night, he called like 7 times but I was just forming vex and refused taking the call. I felt bad though but i was deeply hurt as I thought I had found love at last. I mean, I was not asking for too much na, just to have a guy to myself who is genuinely going to stay committed to me; well, i guess it's just too much to ask or wish for. I slept with the thoughts that night and it was finally dawn.

 I decided to live my life without him for days and get 100% committed to my training as i could not wait for NYSC to just call us for service. I was just tired of everything. It was not easy ignoring his calls, i missed talking with him as he never seized to make me smile. One day, i decided to take his calls and we were both glad that night as we spoke at length and somehow got loving up again... I mean has this ever happened to you before; loving someone who is committed to another? I just could not let him go so I decided to be his Naija chick. It was not really easy having to deal with the thought of him having someone else but at least he managed the scenario well and did not allow it affect us.

 I was now very addicted to him, so very addicted. It felt good but it was completely wrong. I never thought I was going to be in this kind of mess in my life; here I was completely in a messed situation. Trust me when I say having a crush and getting involved with him is one crazy thing anyone can do as i knew I needed divine intervention to come out of it. I could not resist him at all as he made me happy always. One day,I called him up and asked that we had a sit out as I wanted to speak with him, he came with great expectation of us cuddling up and spending quality time together but I gave him the shock of his life as I summoned courage and told him IT WAS OVER AND THAT I COULD NOT GO ON WITH IT BECAUSE IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THERE IS A FUTURE FOR US...He stared at me as though he wanted to cry since he did not see it coming at all. I cared less...

 I think my brain started booting again and I just knew I had to face reality and fight for my worth. It was not easy o, I mean as I watched him leave the door, I wished I could call him back and tell him I was just joking and probably just hug and kiss him passionately, but I could not say those words at all. Where on earth did this courage come from? I cried as he walked out of my sight. I mean it was a tough one for me.

Days passed without having anything to do with Lanre and finally NYSC released her list of eligible candidates and i was posted away from Lag. I was very happy. At least, i'll stay far from him. Days passed, months passed and we did not even keep in touch. I was just trying to avoid him as I was not sure of myself, I did not trust myself enough not to fall so i decided to keep off completely.

 Fast forward to 2 years after I finished serving and I was just on my bed that evening and my phone rang... hmmm... LANRE?

 I knew he was the one because I never forgot the digits at all... Crushes are not easy to forget though. We talked very well that day but I promised myself not to let emotions rule me this time again as I knew nothing could happen between us. We spoke and he finally told me he was already married to that lady and that they were expecting a baby... did I feel bad? yeah, kinda because I still felt something for him a little but I just pretended to be fine.

I'm really happy for you o, I  mean you finally tied the knot with her. Congratulations. We spoke and he could not stop telling me how much he loved me and wished we could still be friends... He does not want to loose my friendship as i'm really dear to him.

I smiled as I told him we could still be friends with no strings attached. I really loved him sha I can't lie. Sincerely, that crush was a deep one but I thank God for delivering me from a deadly crush.

Finally I found my own true love too. I am actually getting ready to walk down the aisle with the man of my dreams in few weeks time so I thought it wise to share my story just to let every lady out there know that she can walk out from a second best relationship, I mean you deserve to be with a man that will stay faithful and sincere to you. You don't have to stay with a crush and keep hurting yourself plus wasting your time on a man who is in love with another woman. If he loves you sincerely, he will do it right with you... I do hope this makes sense anyways.

I and Lanre are still good friends today but no strings attached. we both found genuine love eventually. Love Can Find You Too.

THIS IS THE END OF YABA CONNECT.

Thank you for your time!


We do hope you found this series worthwhile? Feel free to  share your thoughts with us as we look forward to reading your comments. You can also share your story by sending a mail to www.talk2ebijanded.com.

Friday, November 9, 2018

YABA CONNECT...Episode3

YABA CONNECT...Episode3

"Where on earth did you keep your phone that you did not see my calls? Where are you by the way? Since you talked about this training stuff, you suddenly changed. You barely even call and when I call, you choose to miss it. What on earth did I do to deserve all these attitudes from you... I mean i'm tired of all your excuses and attitudes, in fact, I will talk to you later, i'm so pissed off right now"

He did not even allow me to speak and he just ended the call. I called back immediately but he picked after the third dial and could barely even listen to what I  had to say. I tried explaining myself to him that the phone was in my bag and how i almost got missing but he asked that we talked the next day. Okay, it's fine then. Do have a good night rest. Byeee...

That night, I  was in deep thought as i imagined how far i could go with this dramatic relationship. There i was thinking and I heard my phone ringing, I hurried to get it and guess who it was... My Yaba Connect; for few minutes before I took the call, i was just smiling as i imagined his face and how cute he looked in his corporate attire that evening. His voice was calming indeed.

"Hello dear, i hope you got home safe?"
Oh yeah, i did. Good evening.
"Oh, that's cool. I'm so glad you did not end up on TV as you thought then"
We both laughed out loud and i thanked him for coming to my aid that evening.
We talked at length and ended up introducing ourselves as we did not have the chance to do so then.
"I'm Lanre"
OH! He's Yoruba. I said to myself. Good to meet you, i'm Danielle. It was really fun chatting with him that night at least to make up for the mixed feelings Steve brought.

The next day i called and he spoke as though he did not act ways last night and I acted as though I was fine too. Okay, I think we both have to start pretending to be fine then. That day, I and Lanre planned to have a brief sit out after my training which I looked forward to as he was just a cool person plus i was already  getting fond of him. The sit out was fun as we gisted about so many things, one of which was our relationship status, He told me he was single and i told him i had a relationship. He told me how much he liked my person and wished i was single so we could make it work between us. We just laughed through the chats and bade each other goodnight with a a hug, I mean it felt so warm;I loved it there I must confess. Lanre is that kind of guy you want to be with always. He knew how to make me smile, think deep and have good laughs. I loved everyday spent with him. I think I was already having feelings for him. I still stayed committed to my Steve(just managing to be happy).

Few weeks passed and I was getting the cold treatment from Steve. I kept on apologizing for what I did not know I did but he wouldn't even listen. One day he called me and I was on the phone with Lanre and that was the straw that broke the camel's back as he gave me the shock of my life...

"Danielle, do you know what, I cannot go on with this relationship anymore. It's enough that you are far from me, you just don't act well. You give me reasons to doubt you always. I need a break."

A break from what? I asked with pain in my heart as I really loved him o except for his insecurity issues. What are you saying please?

"I mean, you and I can no longer be together"

The next thing i heard was the drop of call from him. Wow! This cannot be happening to me... It felt as though I was dreaming, but I knew it was happening for real. I felt bad that night and refused speaking with anyone, even Lanre, I just wanted to be alone. Few days passed, I called Steve so we could speak on getting back together but he told me he had already made up his mind and that he wished me the very best in life. I had to accept my fate and prepared for a sit out with Lanre, probably that would make me feel better as the days passed have been full of worries and pains.

As we sat out that night in a cool spot, he looked into my eyes and asked what the problem was as I did not look happy at all. I told him I was fine with a pretentious smile but he wouldn't take it all. After much persuasion from him, I decided to tell him what had happened between I and Steve. He felt really bad and assured me he was going to be by my side through this process as i needed to heal from the heart break. He held me close to his chest that evening as i sobbed uncontrollably. He kept on encouraging me with words and hugging me so close to his chest. The next thing I felt was Lanre's lips on mine, i could not even say no as it felt so cool. We kissed passionately for few minutes till I realized we were outside and we both needed to be sure what we wanted...

Lanre, I need to leave now, my mum will be expecting me.
"Okay deary. I'll call you when you get home"
He walked me home that night and kissed me goodnight again. I mean all through that night, I did not stop thinking about the love scene and how I felt. This is really Yaba Connect indeed!

Few days passed after that love thing happened between us and he never stopped telling me how much he loved and appreciated my being in his life. We started nurturing something serious. We got really serious with everything and told a few friends about our commitment. I was really fond of him. I mean, it's just easy to love his kind of person. One day after i spent few hours at his place as it was not so far from my house, I mean I needed to cuddle and rekindle my love tank...lol. He looked into my eyes, held my hands and said he had something very important to tell me as he feels I deserve to know about it.

Hmmm, what is it Lanre? I could not place my hands on anything at all so I stood up immediately to hear what it was he had to say to me. I mean we were just fine few minutes ago. Laughed and kiss as lovers would do. What could possible be wrong... I was lost in thoughts. Please, talk to me. What is the problem? I'm all ears...

"Okay, this is it, I really love you  Danielle. I mean the past months with you has been fun. You bring me joy and I want this to work, but I think you deserve to hear this from me"

Lanre please tell me what you want to say... I'm completely lost.

"Danielle, okay I'll speak now..."

Find out what he said in the last Episode of YABA CONNECT. 

We need your comments so far...

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

YABA CONNECT...Episode2

YABA CONNECT...Episode2

"Danielle o, what are you thinking about na? I mean you've been on that chair for over 2 hours now. Is everything okay with you? Okay, i'm here if you want to talk to someone sha. I just hope sey no be love mata again o"

Those were words from Maria who happens to be my closest friend back then in school. I'm fine o was all i could respond to her but deep down i was hurting as i and Steve were having it hot then. He had fears about me graduating and relocating so far from him. He picked on every little thing i did or did not do; i mean it was not a good feeling at all but i did not know how to communicate that to Maria as she would only tell me to take it easy.

 I was also going to miss him as well and feared that distance might ruin our beautiful relationship, but i was trying to manage the feeling so we don't end up ruining everything before time. So one day i summoned courage and demanded we talked things out and at least proffer solutions on how to manage the distance thing and how he communicated showed how much he feared the distance thing.

"I just don't feel good about you leaving. Don't get me wrong o, i'm really happy about you graduating but i just don't know how things will play between us. You will meet more fulfilled guys than me and you know Lag is the happening place where the big boys with flashy cars reside; I just feel you will end up leaving me to fate. I really love you my Princess, i mean dearly. Please don't break my heart and don't make me have doubts about you. I want this to work. Just stay true to me and wait till i can get enough money to make you my bride"

Hmmmmm, those words sounded real as it came straight from his heart but all i did was assure him that all was going to be well and that i was going to stay true to our commitments. Come to think of it, have you forgotten that you are my cherri coco?

As soon as i said that, he gave a lovely smile as he held my hands and planted a kiss on my forehead. I managed to calm the situation that day and we were both fine after all. I had barely 2 weeks to graduating so i spent most of the time with him especially as he took 6 days off work just so we could cuddle and show each other love as we were going to miss each other badly. I and Steve got intimate few times but our relationship was not basically about it. I mean he was a good guy o but his insecurity issue was just out of this world, but i loved him sincerely.

Fast forward to just one week after i graduated, things got really difficult between us. He got angry at the slightest provocation and asked many unnecessary and suspicious questions every time. I got tired of the drama at some point and was gradually loosing out on love with him. I tried calming him down but he wouldn't listen as his fears got the best of him. One day, i asked him to relocate to Lag if he could not handle it but he gave a thousand and one reasons why it can never be possible.

"I don't have anyone in Lag, Getting a job there might be really difficult, The life there is really expensive plus Lagos is one busy place i don't even like to reside at all"

Then don't complain nau, since there is nothing we can do about it... Those were my words to him as i perceived the talk was unnecessary and he was only trying to communicate his insecurities as usual. WE have to deal with it for now since that's all we have o Steve.

"Okay, okay, it's fine. i will be fine. Just be fine. I'll speak with you tomorrow after work"

oh really? Just like that?

" what else am i to say now? I'm confused at the moment.

Okay, no problems. Just take good care of you. Goodnight.


That night, i was deep in thought as i just felt the relationship was ending somehow. I prayed for dawn to show up but it took a longer time that day and all i could do was stare at the ceiling.

Days passed... waiting for NYSC was another concern again as i was bored at home and my mum felt i needed to get busy and advised that i enrolled for catering classes since i have always shown interest for stuff in that regard. I loved the idea and the next person i thought about was Steve as i hurriedly picked up my phone and dialed his number to share the info with him. I made him understand that as much education is imporatnt, one cannot depend solely on it as it is only wise that one gets another source of income, or better put, a side hustle.

 He sounded cool with it and told me to go ahead with it as it appeared nice instead of staying at home all day. wow! He communicated nicely this time o...lol... I sha went ahead to make inquiries on a place i could learn and i found a place in YABA. Everyone said it was one of the best in Lag so i bought the idea and paid online for it after visiting the place to check it out. That day, it was myself and my mum that drove down there so i was not too cool with the road but i told her i was going to find my way there somehow next time.


My first day at the training center, was one funny day, how i managed to get there was drama o, then it was time for me to go home, i just told myself that they were going to show me on Tv as missing somebody. It was already 6pm and i did not see any bus in view. I was looking tired and frustrated. I loked around me and saw a fine guy looking really cool waiting to get a bus as well, and i summoned courage and asked for help o, before i loss.

Please bros, good evening o. I'm lost please. I hope they don't get to show me on Tv o.

" No, you cant be lost na, this is lagos o... no one gets missing. Provided you have your mouth"

We both laughed out loud as he cuts in again

"Okay dear, where are you headed?"

I was carried away with his fine boy swaggs that i did not hear him ask that until 10 seconds after he had asked. I was busy admiring his gap tooth and his well arranged dentition. I managed to respond shamefully my destination as he smiled and shook his head in pity because i was so far from home...

" You're so not on track. I mean you would stayed here till dawn waiting for a vehicle and no one will come for you.

Really? OMG, please show me the right track. Don't mind a typical JJC like me.

"No worries dear, i gat you"

He took me to the place i'd get a bus going my way and waited till  a vehicle came my way. Yayyyyyy, a bus finally showed up, in my mind, i was just hoping, he'd ask for my number as i wanted to see him again. I mean the guy fresh joo. Who no like good thing abeg...lol. As i was trying to get into the bus, i felt a warm touch on my back and i just loved the voice that came by with it...

"Please, can i at least have your number to ensure that you did not get missing after all?" He gave a warm smile as he told the conductor to chill a bit.

I hurriedly called out my number as other passengers made their way into the bus and we took off..

All through the journey home, i could not stop thinking about my short time with my new found friend and how cute he was so i called that scenario, that day and the both of us... YABA CONNECT!


There I was smiling to myself when i immediately remembered my cherricoco, Steve... i'm so sure he would have given me a missed call, i said to myself as i reached out for my phone and your guess is as good as mine. 10 missed calls... Na serious Gobbe be this one o as i get beta explanation to give o...

TO BE CONTINUED...


What do you think will happen in episode 3?

Do leave your comments below as you look forward to getting episode 3 from us soonest. See you shortly.

Monday, November 5, 2018

YABA CONNECT... Episode1

YABA CONNECT... Episode1


It all began in my final year in the university. You know the usual final year drama in school where everyone especially those who are not graduating come to you to get some of your properties that you won't be needing anymore as they believe you're automatically a big girl and will be getting new and better stuff. Since i attended a federal university and stayed off campus, there was so much to give out and a few to take home. Sincerely, i almost  did not live like a student at all; I was a big girl to the core. I ate what i felt like eating, bought stuff i loved provided it tickled my fancy. I attended parties and came back anytime i felt like as there was no daddy or mummy to ask plenty questions. I was not a bad girl o, don't get it twisted, i just loved to fun it all and as a matter of fact i have had sex just twice and decided to stay low on it...abeg persin dey taya jare. I think i needed genuine and lasting relationship instead of just the random ones that ends with good byes. The two persons i had sex with were not my boyfriends sef;it was just a fling o...lol. Okay, i had one bobo like that in school "my cherri coco" as i fondly called him. We were so in love that we could not allow a day go by without seeing each other. He was not a student but worked in an accounting firm close to my school. Our meeting was coincidental and funny as i was just having a regular stroll with some friends that evening, he stopped us and demanded we gave him audience but since we were five and did not know which one of us he was calling plus we did not know him, we almost wanted to ignore him as one of us just stopped to listen to him and the rest of us continued to walk ahead, surprisingly, she screamed out our names and we chilled a bit for her,only for her to say it was me he wanted to speak with. Aaaaaargh, me?for what o?Do i know you please? as i looked at him with that "oga talk sharp sharp make i dey move abeg" but he starrred at me with a smile and the next thing he said was

GUY: Haba! A good evening would not be bad na"
ME: Oh! my bad... i am really sorry, please pardon my bad manners" I greeted him eventually and asked
ME: Bros, have we met before? As you can see, i was walking with my friends and wouldn't want to keep them waiting for too long, if you know what i mean.

GUY: Okay, can i have your number since you are in a haste please?
He did not even finish his statement as i cut him half way
ME: My number again? Oga, i don't know you eeeeeh, how do you expect me to give a total stranger my number...just like that...hmmm. I looked at him with a look of i'll be leaving your sight soon if you waste my time again.

He pleaded and pleaded as i had no choice but to give him the number since my friends had moved so far away from me and i needed to catch up with them...Okay, okay, here we go, you can have my number since you can never give up; 0803345....

I ran fast to meet my friends and you trust those girls nau, "Babe na where you know that bobo from na" "The bobo fresh i no go lie" " Abeg give am chance na, we don dey kuku beg you make you find one guy for school since 100l but you no gree" " Omo no dull yourself o". I told them sharp sharp that i did not know him o, but since i did not want them waiting for me for long and i saw them afar off, i gave him my number as he was pleading as though his life depended on it. We all laughed as i told them, the guy appeared reasonable but i did not want to conclude as sometimes first impressions could be falsely played or acted.

ME:You know these guys nau, they can pull any stunt just to toast a girl... We all laughed out loud as we returned tiredly to our rooms that night.

The next day, the bobo called and that was when we realized we had not introduced ourselves to each other.

Guy:I totally forgot to ask your name yesterday as you were so much in haste;please what is your name?
ME: I'm really sorry, my name is Danielle.
Guy: wow! what a beautiful name for a beautiful girl
As soon as i heard him say that i thought to myself that guys will always be guys. sweet mouthed beings.
Guy:Well, my name is Steven,but you can call me Steve.
It's fine then. We talked a while that night and it was really a nice time as i was smiling and loving the mood. Anyways, to cut long story short, words led to words and days made us come closer to each other and the next i knew, we were really into each other and was in a serious relationship. It was what people call love nwantintin...he took good care of me and provided all i needed in school. He was a good guy but highly protective eeeeh. I loved him so much and decided to open my heart completely to him from that time till we graduated from school. He was an angel sent to me i must confess; he listened to my fears and encouraged me to stay strong. I loved to be in his arms as it was safe for me. Finally, love finally found me o.

But fear gripped my heart knowing i was graduating soonest and distance was going to creep in...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Do you think this is Danielle's dream come true indeed?
Do you think Steven is going to stay true to her?
Do you think Distance will be their newest enemy?

...Find out in the next episode of YABA CONNECT.

Stay tuned to the blog as we shall post the next episode on Wednesday. See you shortly. Please, leave a comment below.

Sunday, October 28, 2018

The Thick skin man By Bright Duweni.

The Thick skin man By Bright Duweni.

The Phrase "Nwoke bu ife" is an igbo phrase which literally translates to "A man is something"  and the phrase "ife Nwoke na afu"  is also an igbo phrase which means "What a man sees". In the world at large and more particularly in Nigeria men are often subjected to responsibilities. A man is responsible for his siblings, a man is responsible for his family, a man is responsible for his parents when they grow old, even a growing man is responsible for his girlfriend.
These responsibilities come not just because you are educated, but because you are a man. So whether or not you are educated there are somethings u must do and must be because you are a man.
Nwoke bu ife: As I have pointed out earlier,  this means a man is something. Whether or not a man is irresponsible there is a level of respect such a person commands simply because he's a man. A man is needed in a home for many reasons, a man is needed in leadership and lots more.  I am however not downplaying the importance of women in different places of life, all am saying is that Nwoke bu ife.
Ife Nwoke na fu: this simply means "what a man sees"
What a man sees in life is before modernity, a man had to be physically strong in order to survive and reproduce. Whether battling the  elements or other men, our ancestors had to rely only on their cunning and physical strength to come off as the conqueror. The men who tried to prove themselves in battles or hunts, dared to do great things, and had the physical strength to surmount any obstacle were the ones who were able to father children and pass on their genes. The ones who did not take the gamble, or did not have the strength and prowess of their peers, died childless, and their hapless genes died with them.
What this means is that we are all descended from the strongest, fastest, smartest, bravest men of the past — the world’s alpha male , and a man WHO DOES NOT HAVE A THICK SKIN can just die before his time.  Men in this present day Nigeria should have Thick Skins so that they would not be easily pierced by the necessities of life. Their defenses should be very high so that nothing would be able to penetrate them.

A man with thick skin would be able to shoulder the storm when they arise.
A man should be able to stand strong in times of adversaries
What a man sees in life is seriously big and a man without Skin strong enough to withstand the issues of a man's responsibilities would give up before his time...
So as you grow into a man,it is expedient that you groom a thick skin...


Thank you so much Bright for sending your article;i totally agree with this piece. I mean, men are strong o, with many expectations on them and they still ensure we are fine. We appreciate your efforts and we know you sure need a thick skin to do all the things you do.

You can also send your articles to our official email address talk2ebijanded@gmail.ccom.
Meanwhile, please leave a comment as usual. It means a whole lot to i and my team.

Monday, October 22, 2018

Don't be like me...

Don't be like me...

Don't be like me o... just be better. This article is to give you that chill pill. Learn to be yourself and do what you have passion for. Don't do what others are doing simply because you see them making waves in it. If it's not your calling, you will end up wasting time and resources like me.

Okay, sincerely i love how someone can just put a fabric down, shred it and then put it together and it comes out really beautiful at the end of the day. I always imagined how they did it and out of curiosity  and little passion for it, boom! I wanted to dive in o.. see me thinking it's a child's play eeeh, i tried learning it after graduating from the university, but e no gree enta. i felt maybe i needed to try again this time from a more reliable fashion house, but it was another flop again. Everything seemed crazy, especially the part where you have to loosen a dress you have made just because you made a mistake and it did not come out the way it ought to... aaaarghhhhh, very frustrating i must confess. I was actually doing it this time during my NYSC period so you can imagine how stressful it was; after my PPA duties, i move straight to the spot for the training, but kai, i just wasted my time then, i was just trying to do what i had little passion for. I always came back home stressed and wishing i will never have to go back there...lol. My dear, if you don't have much passion for something, don't venture into it o, hence you will not get the desired result from it. Passion is highly needed in anything you want to do in life. I don't struggle to write(I mean i can write anything i put my heart to), i don't struggle to act any role you give me or even direct a stage play, i don't even struggle to make children smile or touch lives, but there i was struggling with another person's passion. I wish i did not have to waste those times anyways. I envy those who are good in it and making money from it, you guys are really amazing. I wanted to borrow your passion for a minute, but e no work eeeh. 

What am i trying to say? If you don't have passion, by passion i mean what will keep you motivated as you go through the learning process, please do not go into it o. It's easy for them because they have passion for it. We live in a world where everyone wants to do what everyone is doing... even when they have little or no passion for it sef, all i do is smile when i see them following the crowd. You see someone doing catering stuff, you jump in... You see them doing make up stuff, "omo, i think that's the way now o" haba! things don't work that way... First and foremost, do you have passion for it? I remember how i have always longed to own my own dry cleaning outlet even if i needed to start small, it did not matter, i just knew i had this passion for it so i started making plans to set it up and today we are protecting something in that regard. When i wanted to set it up, i heard stuff enough to discourage me,especially that it's a man's job, bla bla bla, but there i was with 100% passion for it and you know how one can be determined to do something they have passion for... i delved into it and i have no regrets at all as i'm doing what i love.

Passion makes it easier for you... so my advice is this, have passion first before you venture into anything. That someone is making money from a particular thing does not automatically guarantee you for quick cash from it, you might work out your ass and get nothing from it. Just be wise and passionate. Don't be like me o... i still feel like i should give it another try,lol,but lailai, i won't anymore. I'll pay to look fine instead,biko, i cannot comman kee myself o. 

Sincerely i admire all the fashion designers out there;keep doing great stuff with the scissors and making us look janded. Okay, this is where i draw the curtain close for today. Don't forget to drop a comment, share this article and also subscribe to my blog to get notified when i drop a new article. See you shortly. Always remember to wear a smile.

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Yvonne's Story... Dear America, here i come.

Yvonne's Story... Dear America, here i come.


"Dear Ebijanded,

I planned to write a book about my experience in America but after reading your blogs I decided to reach out to you because I know my story will be out there as soon as possible and I also wanted you to enlighten your audience especially Nigerians about the real America. Not sure what to title this either my ruined American Dream or Culture shock or whatever the Holy Spirit puts in your heart. Where do I begin? This is going to be long don’t know if you will cut this story into different parts but anyway, let me start from the very beginning and I would be using my other name Esther in which only few friends and immediate family know how the name came about. Please Read on:
It all started early in 2011 a course mate and friend of mine who lived in Texas in the United States of America, I  said to her that I wanted to apply for the visa lottery and she informed me that if she applies for it in America there would be a greater chance of me winning. I was excited and prayed to God that His will be done in my life as I had nothing else left for me in Nigeria I had broken up with my boyfriend after almost a year of dating due to our AS genotype issue which hurt me for a bit but I got over it quickly as it was a no sex before marriage relationship, I had lost my journalism job in a reputable magazine due to downsizing and the job I was currently working in as an editor was based on commission as I worked without pay for good six months it was indeed frustrating being a college graduate and so, I felt a break in America “the land of opportunities growing with milk and honey” and in which “money grows in trees” as we meant to believe will make me successful immediately I landed. So, I told my friend whom I would call Rosemary (not real name) to help me with the application and she did few months after application cannot remember exactly when but I got two emails at midnight that I had been selected a winner.
The last picture with my sister before i left for America.

 I was shocked and ran straight to my parents room leaping for Joy that I had won I remember my mum jokingly saying at last my dream of marrying “oyibo since I was 10 has come to pass” (story for another day). My winning still felt like a dream to me and another shocker was that I had two different confirmation numbers which indicated I had won twice for the same lottery. I went for my visa interview and was granted visa on the spot. I called my friend in the States and shared this news with her and she was excited for me and shocked as this has never happened winning twice with same application. This could only be God I said and before going back to bed I went on my knees asking for Gods protection in a land have never been to before. It was there and then that the Holy Spirit ministered in my heart that my name would be Esther in that land because I would be favored. I wrote that name down immediately and shared it with my parents and ever since till date, I have continue to address myself as God’s favorite.
My mum started making preparations for me she sold bunch of stuff for me to pay for my blood work, visa, and so on. I told her I could still wait for this preparation as I had time to prepare but she said no need this is “America we are talking about” I told her I’d miss everyone she said they will too but that, this a great opportunity the sooner we prepare the easier it will be not too loose the visa because if it’s not accepted at a certain time, another will take my place and so the preparation began. I told selected friends of mine that I’d be relocating and gave my last hugs to them. My dad gave me his old winter Jacket he had used when he came to the states many years ago for both his Bachelors and Masters Degree in Economics. After the preparation was over and flight scheduled, my departure day was November 29th 2011 (almost 7 years since I relocated). Informed my friend of the date so she can be aware and also make preparation for my arrival in her house in which she shared with her husband and kids. My parents and siblings cried at the airport and I cried too as I was set to begin my new life in America.
I arrived Texas, USA the next evening on November 30th, 2011 was so excited the smell of the land and the roads were beautiful I held myself back from screaming when the pilot said “we have just arrived Houston, Texas” was smiling ear to ear as I walked down the stairs of the plane shivering in the cold environment just looking for Rosemary, her husband, and two kids and I eventually found them. It was indeed a joyous moment for us all as I had not seen her in almost 5 years but I kept in touch (something about me I try to keep in touch with my friends that had an impact in my life no matter where I am at) and I hugged them all. On our way to their home as her husband drove I stuck my head out the mirror asking where the tree of money was and they all laughed and said to me that America is not what we Nigerians are shown in Nigeria. I couldn’t believe America even heard a grain of sand or dirt. I was so shocked to see filth on the road. I had so many inner thoughts that I said under my breath like “Is this America”? , “Where is the real America”? , “Is Texas the real America”? , and so on before I knew it we had arrived at her home. I settled in and was showed my room in which I would be sharing with her kids and I contacted my parents and siblings and mentioned my arrival to them and also my cousin in Atlanta, Georgia whom I couldn’t stay with as his wife who is an American would not hear of it. But all the same, I was really excited to be in the land of opportunities and greener pastures. We all went to a Chinese buffet that night of my arrival and that was my first time ever in a buffet restaurant as we were allowed to eat as much as you wanted and you are not allowed to take any leftovers home which made me think to myself “If this was Nigeria will this restaurant even still be in business” (LOL). Anyway, after eating we got home and Rosemary sat me down in my room telling me that I was there to care for her kids until I found a job and settled properly. I told her no problem as I loved her kids especially because her eldest who was 5 at that time shared a birthday in January with me. I always woke up early to shower because we all shared a bathroom so I could be done before anyone woke up. I also gave a bath to the kids and dressed them up every day and Rosemary was happy and thanked me and her Husband was also happy that I was staying with them. Few days later, it was Sunday and I was excited to be going to a Nigerian church as I loved to dance and praise God. I attended the Redeemed Christian Church of God in Texas and it was amazing. You will never believe the number of Nigerians in Texas no single American was found in that church I never felt left out knowing my fellow Nigerians where nearby and everyone welcomed me to the church. As the service went on, an announcement was made by one of the church leadership that a babysitter was needed and the pay was 500 dollars. I was so excited and after the service I told the church usher that I was interested in working as a babysitter and they promised to keep in touch. This desire caused a conflict between I and Rosemary and when we all got home, she sat me down and reminded me of the agreement that as long as I was with her I could not work because I was there to care for her kids and taking that job will interfere in that plan. Her husband also told me that I should enjoy my free time because once I start working I would want a break. Days went by and I was taking to the Social Security office to let them know I had arrived and sort out some documents and also apply for my social security card (This is a card in the states that includes 9 digit numbers that is issued to all citizens and permanent residents in America it is identifiable to you and you need that number for everything official you need to do). It was a long line and when my waiting number was called, I went forward Was told by the office that under no circumstance must I share my number with anyone and that,  I’d receive it in about a month after I applied and I eventually received it and to my surprise it was two cards with same number which my friend reminded me that it was due to me winning the visa lottery twice. I took my cards and put it away. Fast forward to January 2012, it was tax season in which everyone files taxes to sum up all that they have done in the previous year. My friend called me from the tax office to give her my social security number and I remembered what I was told at the social security office and I told her I was told not to give it out and she was so mad and yelled at me on the phone that if I didn’t I had to leave her house that night. So, I called my Cousin in Atlanta and told him my predicament and he told me not to give it out that my friend must be trying to claim me in their taxes as a dependent to get more money from the government and that, I should ask what it was for. I sent a message to my mum telling her what was going on and called my friend in Nigeria also telling her about my predicament and I was told to call 911 that no one should tell me what to do but I was too scared to call the police. I remembered I had a high school friend in New York as we practically were like family friends and went to same church in Nigeria. I called her since have been keeping in touch with her from Nigeria but decided to stay with Rosemary because she played the lottery for me. My friend in New York, Jennifer advised me that I should ask Rosemary what she needed it for and that; she would talk to her as well. Rosemary got back from the Tax office so mad at me and was screaming that I have changed and I needed to live her house immediately if I don’t give her the card number and I told her I was just following instructions and her husband tried calming her down. I ended up giving her my card number (I learnt later from a source who works with the Tax office that she claimed me as a dependent and got lots of money but for security reasons the lady who told me this could not give me an amount). This was illegal because I was a 26 years old adult and no one should be claiming a grown woman but what I know I was just a JJC. Things were no longer the same again in that house I was so scared and shaky around her. Jennifer kept her promise and contacted Rosemary on phone and spoke rationally to her and begged her on my behalf as well.
In the month of February 2012, Jennifer asked me to relocate to her shared two-bedroom condo in which she shared a kitchen with her roommate until I got settled and had a job. I was excited going to Manhattan, New York which is referred to as “a land that never sleeps”. Same state my dad lived almost 40 years ago and same state the popular movie, Home Alone was shot in. I bought some biscuits (which I later learned the correct word was cookies) for Jennifer as I didn’t want to go to her apartment empty-handed. Arriving there, I was happy to see her and knew I won’t be there for long as it was indeed tight and so grateful she asked me to live with her. She thanked me for the cookies and said the brand I bought which was Girls Scout Cookies where are favorites. She taught me a lot about America and life living in New York and showed me how to read the Map, how to use the train with the Map Quest App, how to use and fill up my metro cards, how-to ride the bus, the bus schedule, and so on. I learnt a lot and within a month I was so happy to find my way around places and even took long bus and train rides to Brooklyn, to see my dad’s relative. The first thing Jennifer did for me the next day was to get me registered to have an ID card and I got my first state ID which shows I was a New Yorker. Following after, she told me I need to go out every day to look for a job and made a spare key for me and said I need a job so that I can settle down on my own because I can’t live forever with her as she was doing her Doctorate and also working and her boyfriend always came around to spend the night. I told her that was fine. And so my Job hunt began and I went out even in the snow and rain in search of jobs on the streets. I Tried getting a dish washer job and was told I was over qualified. Went to the parks where parents bring their children to play and showed the mothers my green passport and ID card that I wanted to baby sit their kids and they were all scared of me as they ran and held their kids close thinking I was a kidnapper or something like that all these where so embarrassing for me. Jennifer did a resume for me and took it to her job and yet to no avail no job. My money I came with was already reducing all I did was pray and talk to my mum who made some calls to her friends in the state and I got money and one of my mum’s friend also sent me a laptop and my cousin in Georgia sent me 100 dollars I was so excited and contributed to the cooking for Jennifer and I never asked her for money. I sensed a bit of jealousy in her as she opened my mail (letter) from my cousin who had sent me money (It was later I learnt that in America it was illegal for anyone to open your mails without authorization) I wasn’t happy she read my mail and saw the money I was given but I could not say anything as I was living with her. She began to complain unnecessarily that my dressing was a disgrace to her as I failed to wear shorts, that I wear slippers to the laundry room, that I wear hair net, and so on. I cried my eyes out to sleep every night as I never envisaged these sufferings. The devil brought doubts to my heart that it was never God that gave me that name, Esther but rather it was me talking but I rejected that voice because I knew what I heard deeply in my spirit in Nigeria. Only my parents knew that I was suffering. I decided to keep late nights in the park after job hunting and packed up my blankets to the park and slept out there in the cold with an alarm so that she doesn’t complain when I come back too early. From that day, I come back home 9pm everyday to please her and when I couldn’t take her complaints anymore, I called one of my mum’s friend the one who had sent me a laptop that I couldn’t live like this anymore and she told me everybody has a story in America and that it will all end. She sent money for me to sign up for Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) and said it’s a nursing assistant program so that after the class I can get a job. This job involves assisting older people in nursing homes from cleaning their poop, to changing their diapers, to bathing them, feeding them, arranging their beds, and so on. I learnt later on that almost every Nigerian in America started as a CNA. I took a train and a bus every morning to school. It was an 8-weeks training program and after which, you graduate and do an externship.

 I met a Nigerian Muslim one day before the end of class and told her of my predicament in the hands of Jennifer and she told me about a nice Jamaican classmate who wasn’t in class that day but has a basement in her house as she lived with her husband, daughter, and sister in-law and a kid and that, she would talk to her for me to see if I can live there. I was so excited and I met Francine (real name) that was the best day ever she really felt for me as she watched me narrate my stories in tears. She spoke to her husband on my behalf and he agreed and said, I could live in their basement which is attached outside their house for 600 dollars a month. I agreed and informed my parents, cousin and my mum’s friend. After graduation from CNA, I wrote a letter to Jennifer thanking her so much for her help so far and told her that I could not continue living like this with her gave her all my reasons and mentioned how she is not happy with my dressing, her complaints, etc. I dropped the letter and the key in her fridge and packed my stuff to Long Island, New York to live in Francine’s basement. This was the best day of my life as I had my own privacy, my own room, bathroom, and kitchen and also found a true friend and sister in Francine. She was and still continues to be the best thing to ever happen to me. My mum and family spoke to her on the phone and thanked her. Her husband was impressed how I respected him calling him Sir all the time. I didn’t know how the rent money was going to come but I trusted God and each night I prayed and cried to God. Francine was scared one night and came to the basement and asked me if I was okay as she heard my voice I told her I was praying to God to help me and she said her mum is Christian too and prays. We talked and cried together that night and she said I shouldn’t worry all will be fine I hugged her in tears that how could she allow me a stranger into her home she said she liked my spirit and that am her sister I should stop crying. My mum’s friend sent me my first month rent to pay and I gave Francine and told her my mum’s friend had given me the money and she was excited for me that despite everything God is helping me. We both did a lot together with her daughter from hair to nails, to cooking, to eating and her hubby always bought Chinese food for us on Fridays as that was Francine’s day off from cooking (LOL) and we went to our first externship together at the nursing home. I could not stand the poop from an amputated man and I immediately told Francine that this job, wasn’t meant for me and we both laughed and I told her I wasn’t returning to the externship job anymore. On getting home, I looked for a Nigerian Church for Sunday and I found one and meant the pastor after service told him everything and my experience in America. 

He told me about people in church I could baby sit and work for until I got my feet. I became a worker in church did jobs that offered me less money because they knew I was desperate, I begged to baby sit peoples kids and I was given like 20 dollars or any amount as they wish no matter the hours I worked with and with the explanation that things are hard but despite all these, I still praised God in pain and paid my tithe with the little cash I got from begging people.
 Was blessed with many groceries from church and I cooked Nigerian food which I shared with Francine and she also shred her Jamaican food with me as well. She always invited me to come to the main house to watch TV even though I had TV in my own basement as the house was too quiet for her. After living with Francine for some time I didn’t know where the next money to pay rent would come from and I was tired of begging. I fell into great depression and I had lots of suicidal thoughts and called my mum to tell her I wanted to return to Nigeria as the suffering was too much and she cried with me on the phone telling me she doesn’t even have the money to send me back and that, what would people say about me returning when I just left. I begged a lot to enter buses and trains and no one helped me and I had to walk. I was a depressed woman just wanting to end my life and attempted to sell and tear my passport in anger. I reached out to my friend in Nigeria who was a banker at that time; she sent me money to my account and was encouraging me. I missed my family badly and while alone in my room I wanted to just die and I prayed to God to take my life that I was tired and better off in Nigeria with my family and I slept off. The next day, I decided to visit a Baptist church down the street to just pray as it was a week day and on getting there, they asked all new comers to stand up and I was acknowledged and was told hope to see me on Sunday and I was like, “today is my last day”. After the service, people were greeting each other and the pastor’s wife a white lady slipped a note to me and when I opened it was a folded 50 dollars bill and a note that read something like: “There is just something about you. May God Bless You” I cried in my heart as I had just given my last 10 dollars in the offering basket. On my way out, a woman came up to me and I could tell from her accent she was Nigerian and she asked where am from I told her from Edo State, Nigeria and she hugged me saying she is also Benin. I told her about myself and that I am recently relocated from Nigeria I got to find out as we talked that she was a neighbor to my Muslim friend who introduced me to Francine. She asked me why I had said today was my last day and in tears I told her how I live with a Jamaican couple and could not afford to live with them anymore as I do not know how my rent will be paid the next month and then she asked for the amount and told me that she would pay it and to be sure I wasn’t just giving her a sob story she drove me straight to my Landlords house, met Francine and her hubby and paid four months of rent for me. I was shocked and still am when I remember this part of my story. God used a stranger again to pay my bills. I cried that night asking God to forgive my unbelief and I believed once again that I was favored.

 After these four months expired, I told God that I cannot continue begging and another rent was due and I knew God has tried for me including the church but I needed to live Francine’s house as my rent was due again and I had no option so I packed my bags and Francine saw me dragging my luggage to the side of her basement and asked me where I was going I told her in tears that I had nowhere in mind but that, I was tired of life and begging to survive she hugged me crying that I wasn’t going anywhere and that I should wait till her hubby comes back. When her husband came back, he told me I could stay for free until I found my feet. I was shocked and didn’t know when I went straight to my knees in tears thanking them so much for their love towards me. He took me and Francine shopping and bought much stuff for us (Imagine your landlord and landlady taking you shopping). This could only be God.

In 2013, it was laid in my spirit to join the United States Army because I was tired of begging and I bade my Jamaican family goodbye with a promise to keep in touch. I enlisted for three years and three months in my training, I got my US Citizen Passport. Wow! I had become a Citizen just like that what usually takes 10 years was given to me in a platter of Gold. After my training, I was to relocate to Korea in few weeks ( so I returned to my Jamaican family to spend some time with them. I bought them lots of stuff, gave out gifts to my church, my friend in Nigeria who helped me when I had nothing, my parents and my mum’s friends who had also helped me in my low state.

 I now entered buses and trains for free due to me being in uniform. Civilians saluted me; children hugged me and respected me by thanking me for my service to the nation as I walked down the street of New York. I was not worthy of this love at all which was all God’s plan all along. I was an American US Soldier.

In 2014 January, I was on leave from Korea and God made my path to cross with my fiancé who is now my dear husband. We went on a date on February and he proposed to me and within few months on November 22nd, 2014, few days to my 3 years in America, I was married to my heartthrob and guess who my chief bridesmaid was?
 No other person than my Jamaican sister, Francine (I had to move my wedding date so it could fit into her schedule) and at my wedding I made sure the M.C. thanked her and her husband openly for taking care of me.
In 2016, my Army contract ended and I did not re-enlist, got a job for the federal government and living happily with my husband as we prepare to celebrate our 4th anniversary on November 22nd 2018.My life till date has been a miracle and I am so glad I did not end it all when my going was tough because I wouldn’t have been where I am today sharing my story with you. Am so glad for my experience and have forgiven all those who hurt me and whenever I face a storm, I remind God am his favorite and pray and He Always comes through. I might not have all I want but I have all I need in Jesus."


Wow! This story made me cry i must confess. Thank you Yvonne for sharing this experience with us. Your story or experience can be next if you would send a mail to talk2ebijanded@yahoo.com.

Monday, October 15, 2018

What your cutlery says about you..by Etietshola Princess

What your cutlery says about you..by Etietshola Princess

Just like a picture, your use of cutlery speaks a thousand words. You want to make sure you are speaking the right ones. Proper cutlery technique shows a great deal of class and respect to the people serving you. But more importantly, it provides your waiter with visual clues as to the progress of your meal. It also means you don’t have to sit in front of an empty plate, just begging you to lick it dry (which, unfortunately is frowned upon in high society.)
What Your Cutlery Says About You
“I am not finished.”
If you are talking around the table but haven’t finished eating your meal, you shouldn’t hold your cutlery in your hands. Rather, rest them on your plate in an upside down V with the tips of the utensils facing towards each other. It is also acceptable to rest your knife along the top of the plate, with the fork pacing vertical.
Place your knife and fork together in the centre of the plate, pointing to twelve o’clock. This will indicate to your attendee that you have finished. It is okay to place it pointing any position on the plate as long as the utensils are parallel to each other.t
U"I am finished"




"I am ready for the next meal"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                For a meal with several courses, there is another visual clue for how to place your utensils. Place your knife and fork in a cross on the plate, with the fork pointing vertical and the knife pointing                                       "



                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     The meal was excellent.”

If you really enjoyed the meal and want to show your server, place your knife and fork horizontally across the plate with the blade and tines pointing right. This will also indicate you have finished.
“I did not enjoy the meal.”



The correct etiquette for indicating you didn’t like the meal is to place your knife’s blade through the fork’s tines in a V. This visual clue is very similar to “I have not finished,” so be sure not to mix these two things up.
“I know what fork to use.”
With several forks and knives and spoons on the table before you, you may feel a panic attack coming on, trying to figure out which one to use. But there’s a simple solution. Start from the outside and work your way in. The utensils on the outside are the ones you use first, and the last course will be the pair of utensils closest to your plate. Easy!
“I respect your tablecloth.”
Photo Courtesy of Business 
In order to not stain the beautiful white tablecloth beneath, never place your utensils on the table cloth after using them, but always make sure to place back on the plate.

“I respect my friend’s hygiene.”
The salads, mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables or whatever food sits in the centre of the table to share, should have their own sharing utensils, so you should never use your own.

What NOT To Do
Unless you want to indicate “I don’t know my table manners,” these are the big no-no’s in cutlery etiquette.
Do not cross your knife and fork in an X on your plate. It’s a nightmare for the waiter to try and pick up and no one wants used cutlery slipping off a plate.




Do NOT lick your knife, no matter how mind-blowing that sauce is.

Do NOT use your fork and knife to gesture or point at other people.
Chopsticks
We love our Asian food in Australia but, many of us are guilty of breaking proper etiquette when using their eating utensils. So, here are some tips for your next yum cha or sushi session.
DO
When not in use, chopsticks should be placed across your bowl or in a holder if




DON’T
DON’T place them in a X on your bowl.





2

DON’T stow them in the rice as it is considered a bad omen.
DON’T rub them together after snapping them apart as it implies that they are cheap.
DON’T use them to point, or use them as drumsticks on your bowl.
DON’T lick them.
Ironically, belching and slurping in China and Japan is seen as a compliment and tipping is considered bad custom.
So now go forth, dine at the fanciest restaurants and you won’t break a sweat!


OUR ARTICLE PROVIDER

Her name is Etietshola Princess Toritseju ,She hails from  Delta State and was born June 17th.She  obtained her first  degree  at Madonna University ,from the  department  of political science. She's a creative thinker and a growing entrepreneur. 

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